Category: Weddings

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: Lessons for Lasting Love

At Chanelle Carlin Weddings, we believe marriage is more than a milestone—it’s a journey of partnership, trust, and shared growth. For our clients, who are deeply intentional about building a meaningful life together, understanding how to nurture a lasting marriage is essential.

Dr. John Gottman’s book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last, is a guide to unlocking the secrets of successful marriages. Based on five decades of research, it offers practical, science-backed tools to strengthen emotional connection and resolve conflicts effectively.

For couples like you—who are blending ambition with the vulnerability of love—this book is a must-read. Whether you’re planning your wedding, writing your vows, or navigating your early years of marriage, Gottman’s insights can empower you to create a fulfilling and resilient partnership.

Let’s explore some of the key lessons and how they can help you build a marriage that not only lasts but thrives.

The Science of a Lasting Marriage of Love

Dr. Gottman’s expertise is rooted in decades of studying couples. Through rigorous observation, he discovered patterns that predict a marriage’s success or failure. His findings emphasize the importance of emotional connection, effective communication, and managing conflict.

Gottman’s work reveals one key truth: happy marriages are built on mutual respect and understanding. These foundational qualities allow couples to navigate challenges with resilience.

The Four Horsemen: Predictors of Divorce

A cornerstone of Gottman’s research is the concept of the “Four Horsemen.” These are behaviors that often signal marital troubles:

• Criticism: Attacking a partner’s character rather than addressing specific actions.
• Defensiveness: Refusing to accept responsibility or deflecting blame.
• Contempt: Expressing disdain or disrespect toward a partner.
• Stonewalling: Withdrawing or shutting down during conflicts.

These behaviors erode trust and intimacy over time. Recognizing and addressing them is crucial for a thriving relationship and a lasting marriage.

Building a Strong Foundation

A successful, lasting marriage requires effort and intention. Gottman emphasizes these pillars for a strong foundation:

1. Friendship

Friendship forms the core of a healthy marriage. Couples who maintain a strong friendship feel emotionally connected. Spend time together, share interests, and express appreciation for each other.

2. Positive Interactions

Gottman highlights the “magic ratio” of positive to negative interactions. Successful couples have at least five positive interactions for every negative one. Compliments, laughter, and acts of kindness reinforce emotional bonds.

3. Effective Conflict Management

Conflict is inevitable, but how couples handle it matters. Instead of avoiding disagreements, address them respectfully. Practice active listening and seek solutions together.

Navigating Conflict

Healthy conflict management is a recurring theme in Gottman’s work. He identifies two types of conflicts: solvable and perpetual.

• Solvable Conflicts: These involve specific issues that can be resolved with compromise. For example, deciding how to split household chores.
• Perpetual Conflicts: These stem from fundamental differences, like values or personality traits. Couples should aim to understand and accept these differences.

Use soft start-ups to initiate discussions and avoid blame. Express your needs without attacking your partner.

Strengthening Emotional Connection

Emotional intimacy is the heartbeat of a strong marriage. Gottman advises couples to make time for meaningful connection.

1. Create Shared Rituals

Develop routines that foster togetherness. This could include weekly date nights or morning coffee chats.

2. Express Gratitude

Regularly acknowledge your partner’s contributions. Simple gestures of appreciation strengthen trust.

3. Stay Curious

Ask open-ended questions to understand your partner deeply. Show genuine interest in their dreams and challenges.

The Importance of Repair Attempts in a Lasting Marriage of Love

Repair attempts are efforts to de-escalate tension during conflicts. A joke, apology, or affectionate gesture can diffuse negativity. Gottman’s research shows that successful couples value and respond to these efforts.

Practice forgiveness and focus on solutions. This mindset helps partners navigate disagreements without resentment.

How to Make Your Marriage Last

Dr. Gottman’s advice isn’t about perfection. It’s about commitment, kindness, and growth. Here are practical tips to make your marriage last:

• Prioritize Your Relationship: Dedicate time and energy to nurture your bond.
• Communicate Openly: Share thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
• Celebrate Successes Together: Support each other’s achievements and milestones.
• Seek Help When Needed: Don’t hesitate to consult a therapist for guidance.

Final Thoughts: Building a Lasting Marriage That Reflects Your Values

At Chanelle Carlin Weddings, we understand that your marriage is an extension of who you are as a couple—your values, dreams, and shared vision for the future. Dr. Gottman’s insights provide a framework for creating a relationship that reflects those aspirations.

Applying these principles takes intention, but the rewards are transformative. A strong, lasting marriage is one where you feel seen, supported, and celebrated. It’s a relationship that evolves with you, fostering both stability and spontaneity.

As you prepare for this exciting chapter, consider how you can integrate these strategies into your relationship. Let your wedding vows reflect not just your love today but your commitment to growing together tomorrow.

How will you make your marriage a reflection of your values and dreams? If you’d like help crafting personal vows or want guidance as you navigate this journey, we’re here for you. Let’s start creating the love story you’ll be proud to share for a lifetime.

Comment below with your thoughts or reach out—we’d love to hear your story!

About Chanelle

Chanelle Carlin is a Professional Wedding Officiant, coach, and Your Celebrant for Life. With a deep commitment to helping couples build intentional, lasting relationships, Chanelle offers personalized ceremonies and guidance that celebrate your unique love story.

Through her coaching and officiating, Chanelle creates a space where couples can reflect on their journey and prepare for a meaningful future together. She blends romance with authenticity, ensuring every moment reflects your values and vision.

When Chanelle isn’t officiating ceremonies or offering expert relationship advice, she hosts her podcast, Now You May Kiss, where she shares insights and inspiration for couples at every stage of their journey. Chanelle is here to support your love story—not just on your wedding day, but for a lifetime.

“Using photos from your past and captions you have written, give a memory that will last when older you’ll be gettin’.” – Stephen Arterburn and Carl Dreizler

Camera Sly – The Concept

Have you ever noticed how a simple photo can transport you back in time? Whether it’s a graduation shot, a wedding day memory, or a silly childhood moment, these snapshots are so much more than images—they’re touchstones of love, joy, and connection.

Grandchildren understand this instinctively. My great-nephew Ro has been creating pictures for his GGPa (Great Grandpa) for years. GGPa’s fridge has become an ever-evolving gallery of Ro’s artwork, a tangible expression of love that rotates with every new masterpiece. But you don’t have to be a child or a grandparent to use photos to say, “I love you.”

This week’s inspiration comes from 52 Simple Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ by Stephen Arterburn and Carl Dreizler, a treasure trove of creative and heartfelt ideas for showing affection. In their “Camera Sly” chapter, the authors highlight how pairing photos with personal captions can create lasting keepsakes that speak volumes about love and connection. With a little imagination, you can turn your favorite photos into meaningful gestures that resonate for years to come. You can grab your own copy here or anywhere you like to purchase books, but for now, here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Create a Scrapbook of Your Times Together

Dig out those amazing photos from your favorite moments and trace your relationship’s journey. Add new captions that make your loved one laugh, cry, or swoon. Presenting this scrapbook is like handing them a tangible story of your shared love.

2. Dive into Childhood Memories

Make a scrapbook from childhood photos—yours, theirs, or both. Add humorous or heartfelt captions like, “Here you are at 9, rocking your mom’s high heels. Pretty then, pretty now,” or “Bob at 11, putting up basketball nets because he was so tall. Nice legs!” It’s an instant trip down memory lane, infused with love.

3. Turn a Favorite Photo into a Poster

Choose a cherished photo of the two of you and have it enlarged into a poster. Add a loving or funny message for a piece of art that’s as personal as it is decorative.

4. Have a Professional Portrait Taken

If your budget allows, schedule a portrait session. A beautifully captured moment together is a gift that will only grow more precious with time. If you’d like help finding a local photographer, email Chanelle. As a professional wedding officiant, she works with some of the most incredible and talented folks.

5. Frame the Favorites

Take a loved one’s favorite photos and have them framed. It’s a thoughtful way to preserve memories they treasure most.

6. Send Photos Regularly to Long-Distance Loved Ones

For parents, grandparents, or anyone far away, sending physical photos regularly helps them feel connected to your life and love.

Camera Sly – Why This Matters

Photos are more than memories—they’re a way of saying, “I love you.” Whether you’re celebrating shared history or bridging the miles, these tangible tokens remind your loved ones of how deeply you care.

So, go ahead—be a little camera sly this week. Let your photos do the talking and watch the love shine through.

About Chanelle

Chanelle Carlin is the heart behind Chanelle Carlin Weddings, LLC, where she blends creativity, compassion, and a deep love for storytelling to craft unforgettable moments for couples. From intimate elopements in scenic Washington State to personalized vow-writing sessions, Chanelle’s mission is to help couples celebrate their love in meaningful ways.

As the host of the Now You May Kiss podcast, Chanelle shares insights and inspiration on love, weddings, and everything in between. Whether officiating a wedding, curating a bespoke retreat, or guiding couples through the journey of saying “I do,” Chanelle brings passion and authenticity to every detail.

Explore more at ChanelleCarlin.com and let her help you say “I love you” in unforgettable ways.

Advertising Your Love – Week 47

Love is a powerful message, and sometimes the best way to express it is to advertise it—literally! Inspired by Carl Dreizler and Stephen Arterburn’s 52 Simple Ways to Say I Love You, this week’s challenge invites you to create a personal ad campaign. The goal is to show your loved one just how much they mean to you in a fun and unique way, by advertising your love.

Creating an ad campaign might sound overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. This isn’t about expensive billboards or flashy commercials. It’s about using everyday tools creatively to spread your message of love. Whether your campaign lasts a day, a week, or even a month, it will leave a lasting impact.

Advertising Your Love – Step 1: Choose Your Media

First, decide how you want to deliver your message. There are so many options:

• Print Ads: Write love notes and leave them in surprising places like the bathroom mirror or their car.
• Digital Media: Send sweet texts, emails, or create a series of heartfelt social media posts.
• Broadcast: Record a voice memo, film a short video, or have a custom song created for your partner. There are songwriting sites AND local songwriters who will work with you to create a personalized song, making this a truly unforgettable gift. If you’d like a recommendation, please reach out to Chanelle.
• Outdoor Signs: Use sidewalk chalk to write loving messages where they’ll see them.

The possibilities are endless. Use the media your partner will enjoy most.

Step 2: Craft Your Message

Once you’ve chosen your media, focus on creating meaningful and personal messages. These can be lighthearted or deeply emotional, depending on your style. Some examples include:

• “This just in: You’re the best part of my day, every day.”
• “Top 5 Reasons I Love You—#1: Your smile makes my heart skip a beat.”
• “Breaking news: My love for you grows stronger with every passing moment.”

If you’ve opted for a custom song, work with the songwriter to include specific details about your relationship. This makes the song even more meaningful.

Advertising Your Love – Step 3: Plan Your Rollout

Decide on a timeline for your campaign. Will it be a one-day blitz, a week-long lovefest, or a month of little surprises? For a one-day campaign, consider coordinating multiple media. You could start with a love note in their coffee cup, follow with a sweet text at lunch, and end the day with a song recording.

A week-long campaign might involve one message per day. For a month-long effort, focus on spreading out your surprises to keep them guessing.

Why Advertising Your Love Matters

Love thrives on intention and effort. This ad campaign is more than a fun activity. It’s a heartfelt way to remind your partner that they’re seen, valued, and loved. By taking time to craft and share your feelings creatively, you show how much they mean to you.

Advertising your love in this way strengthens your bond and creates unforgettable memories. These small acts of love can make a big difference.

So, what will your campaign look like? Share your creative ideas in the comments below—we’d love to hear how you’re spreading the love!

About Chanelle

Chanelle Carlin is Your Celebrant for Life^TM. She is an ordained minister and professional wedding officiant with a passion for celebrating love and life. As the owner of Chanelle Carlin Weddings, LLC, she also coaches couples, believing that every moment of life and love deserves to be cherished. Chanelle works closely with couples who have cultivated strong relationships and ready to embark on the journey of marriage with a unique and unforgettable ceremony. As your Celebrant for Life^TM, she is dedicated to honoring all of your special milestones. Chanelle is also the host of Now You May Kiss ^(TM) Podcast. Her podcast focuses on your bespoke, outdoor elopement or intimate wedding Ceremony in the Pacific Northwest. She lives with her family in rural Okanogan County, Washington. You can visit Chanelle at www.chanellecarlin.com or on social media on FB, LI and IG.

Expressing Love Through Art – Tips to Say I Love You for Week 41

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words – Week 41

“Van Gogh was quite an artist, from sunflowers to oceans; now you can try your hardest to paint from YOUR emotions.” – Stephen Arterburn and Carl Dreizler (52 Simple Ways to Say I Love you)

Welcome back to our creative journey to show our partner how much we care. This week, we dive into the enchanting world of art as a language of love. Inspired by the insightful words of Stephen Arterburn and Carl Dreizler from their cherished book, “52 Simple Ways to Say, ‘I Love You,’” this week’s activity encourages us to express our deepest emotions through the vibrant medium of art. After all, when words fall short, let your paintbrushes, pencils, or clay do the talking because a “picture is worth a thousand words.”

The Power of Art: Unleashing Emotions

Have you ever stood in front of a masterpiece and pondered the emotions that swirled within the artist’s heart? While analyzing art, we often attempt to unravel the mysteries behind the strokes and colors. But what if we, the so-called ‘non-artists,’ could capture our own emotions on a canvas? Creating art is not just for the Picassos and Van Goghs of the world—it’s an innate form of expression that we’ve all engaged in since childhood.

Crafting Love: Your Personal Art Adventure

This week, embark on a creative adventure with your loved one. Whether you choose to share a studio or work from separate spaces, the joy of this activity lies in the shared experience. Here’s how to start:

1. Choose an activity that resonates with both of you and gather your art supplies.
2. Set a time frame—perhaps two hours—and commit to crafting a piece that embodies your love. Remember, it’s about the emotion, not perfection.
3. Once completed, share your artwork with each other, explaining the thought and emotions behind your creation.

Choosing Your Medium: The Color of Love

The beauty of this activity is the freedom to select your medium. Here are some options to consider:

• Oil Painting: Share a set of paints but keep your canvases a secret until you’re ready to reveal them.
• Watercolors: A gentle, versatile option that works beautifully on paper.
• Finger Painting: Rekindle the carefree spirit of childhood with vibrant, hands-on art.
• Pastels or Pencil Sketching: Perfect for those who find comfort in the simplicity of pencils or pastels.
• Clay: Sculpt your story with potter’s clay or playful ‘play-doh.’

The Grand Reveal: Your Art Show

Once your masterpieces are ready, it’s time for the big reveal. Display your creations and dive into a heartfelt conversation. What stories do your pieces tell? What hidden details emerge as you discuss them? Through this artistic exchange, you’ll discover new layers of understanding and appreciation for each other.

Still feeling a little nervous: This is not about perfection; it’s about authentic expression

Remember, this activity is a celebration of love and creativity, a unique way to connect with your partner on a deeper level. So, gather your supplies, set your intentions, and let your heart guide your hand. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, and in this case, a thousand expressions of love.

About Chanelle

Chanelle Carlin is Your Celebrant for Life^TM, an ordained minister and professional wedding officiant with a passion for celebrating love and life. As the owner of Chanelle Carlin Weddings, LLC, she also coaches couples, believing that every moment of life and love deserves to be cherished. Chanelle works closely with couples who have cultivated strong relationships and are ready to embark on the journey of marriage with a unique and unforgettable ceremony. As your Celebrant for Life^TM, she is dedicated to honoring all of your special milestones. Chanelle is also the host of Now You May Kiss ^(TM) Podcast, during which she talks about all things related to your bespoke, outdoor elopement or intimate wedding Ceremony in the Pacific Northwest. She lives with her family in rural Okanogan County, Washington. You can visit Chanelle at www.chanellecarlin.com or, Pinterest on social media on FB, LI and IG.