wedding with their families in Washington. Photo courtesy of Joanna Monger Photography.
One of the most common things I hear from newly engaged couples trying to find their wedding vision is:
“We know we want something warm, personal, and meaningful… but we have no idea what that actually looks like and we don’t know where to start.”
If that’s where you are right now, I want you to know that you’re not behind. In fact, you’re asking exactly the right question if you’re trying to figure out your wedding vision.
As a Wedding Officiant, your Celebrant for Life™, and host of the Now You May Kiss™ Podcast, I’ve worked with couples planning everything from mountain elopements to destination weddings to intimate gatherings with their closest loved ones for nearly a decade. Throughout that time, I’ve noticed something important:
The couples who feel the most confident about their wedding vision aren’t usually the ones who start with colors, centerpieces, or Pinterest boards. They’re the ones who start with their marriage.
Before You Plan a Wedding, Envision Your Marriage
Look, I know it sounds backwards in a world full of venue tours and inspiration boards, but hear me out, please.
Your wedding lasts one day. It’s your marriage that you’re building.
Before discussing flowers, guest counts, or whether sage green is still trending, sit down together and ask these questions:
- What kind of marriage do we want to create?
- How do we want to feel when we look back on our wedding in 20 years?
- What values define our relationship?
- What promises are we making to one another?
- What do we want our loved ones to witness and remember?
These conversations create a clarity around your wedding vision that no Pinterest board ever can or will.
I promise, when you know what matters most to you as a couple, your decisions about your wedding will become easier, because every choice can be measured against that vision.
Think About the Experience, Not Just the Aesthetics
Many couples try to define their wedding vision with visual words:
- Rustic
- Elegant
- Modern
- Romantic
- Luxury
- Boho
But, I encourage couples to start with emotional words instead. Ask yourselves:
How do we want our guests to feel?
Maybe the answer is:
- Welcomed
- Connected
- Inspired
- Relaxed
- Included
- Joyful
And, how do you want to feel?
- Calm?
- Present?
- Celebrated?
- Supported?
- Deeply connected to one another?
Those feelings and the “why” behind them become the foundation of your wedding vision. This is where the wedding planning becomes intentional. Once you know the emotional experience you’re creating, the aesthetic details naturally begin to reveal themselves.
Your Ceremony Is the Heart of the Wedding
How to Find Your Wedding Vision: Emily and Jared spent years intentionally
planning their marriage and then invited their families to celebrate with them.
I admit it. As an officiant, I am biased, but I truly believe the ceremony deserves far more attention than it often receives.
You didn’t invite your family and friends to a barbecue or even a cocktail party at your favorite high-end restaurant; you invited them to your wedding, which happens to have a party as part of the celebration.
The ceremony is the reason that everyone has gathered. It’s the moment your guests stop being spectators and become witnesses. It’s where your story is told, your promises are spoken, and most importantly, it’s where your marriage begins.
Unfortunately, many couples spend months (or years) planning every detail of the reception while giving only a few minutes of thought to the ceremony itself. That’s one reason I created my E.P.I.C. Ceremony Planning FrameworkTM.
E.P.I.C. stands for:
Envision
Plan
Implement
Celebrate
The framework helps couples intentionally design a ceremony that reflects who they are, what they value, and the marriage they’re creating together.
If you’re looking for a place to start, I highly recommend reading my article, “Your E.P.I.C. Wedding Ceremony,” which discusses this process in more detail.
Sometimes You Need Space to Dream Together
Another challenge many engaged couples face is that wedding planning quickly turns into task management. Every free moment is spent comparing venues, creating/managing budgets and talking about the “wedding,” and you never actually slow down long enough to ask:
“What do we really want?”
That’s exactly why I created the Vow & Vision Weekend™ VIP Wedding Planning Retreat.
Instead of spending months spiraling through endless decisions, to the point where they want to throw up their hands and run away, couples are guided through intentional conversations about their relationship, values, priorities, ceremony, vows, and overall wedding experience.
The goal of the Vow & Vision Weekend™ isn’t simply planning a wedding or even writing amazing vows. The goal is for the two of you to breathe, get into alignment together before making any big decisions, and to have the professional support you need to do that. You can learn more about that experience here.
A Resource for the Journey
If you’re just beginning this process, I’d also encourage you to listen to the Now You May Kiss™ Podcast.
with Chanelle Carlin, Your Celebrant for Life. Celebrating your one-of-a-kind
love story with a custom, meaningful, outdoor elopement or intimate wedding
ceremony in the Pacific Northwest and beyond.
While there are plenty of episodes about the logistics of wedding planning, or the things you may need/want to consider for the event, many of the conversations focus on the emotional side: the relationship, communication, intentionality, and meaning behind the celebration. At the end of the day, the best wedding vision isn’t the one that looks the most impressive online. It’s the one that feels authentically like the two of you.
That’s what you’re really hoping for, isn’t it?
My Encouragement for You
If I could offer one piece of advice to every newly engaged couple seeking their “wedding vision”, it would be this:
Don’t start by asking, “What should our wedding look like?” Start by asking:
“What kind of marriage are we building, and how do we want people to experience that on our wedding day?”
The answers to that question will guide everything else… The venue… The guest list… The ceremony….Even the colors.
And when your wedding is rooted in your relationship rather than trends, it becomes something timeless. It becomes a day you can look back on and remember with joy. It becomes a meaningful beginning to a lasting marriage.
Ready to Begin Your E.P.I.C. Journey?
If you’re newly engaged and wondering where to start, remember that your wedding vision doesn’t begin with a color palette, venue, or even a Pinterest board. It begins with anchoring yourselves to the life you’re building together.
Whether you’re planning an intimate elopement in the North Cascades, like Sydney and Jacob (above image), a destination wedding, or a larger celebration surrounded by family and friends, I’d be honored to help you create a ceremony that reflects your love story and lays the foundation for a lasting marriage.
You can get started exploring the resources below:
• Read: Your E.P.I.C. Wedding Ceremony
• Explore: The Vow & Vision Weekend™ VIP Wedding Planning Retreat
• Listen: Now You May Kiss™ Podcast
When you’re ready, I’d love to hear your story.
Contact Chanelle Carlin Weddings today to schedule a complimentary connection call and discover how we can create a meaningful, personalized ceremony that is every bit as unforgettable as the marriage it celebrates.
Because your wedding day is just a moment. Your marriage is the legacy.
About Chanelle
Photo credit Roxanne Best
Chanelle Carlin is a professional Wedding Officiant, Celebrant for Life™, and the founder of Chanelle Carlin Weddings, where she helps intentional, legacy-driven couples create deeply personal wedding ceremonies that honor their love story and establish a meaningful foundation for marriage. Through her signature EPIC Ceremony Planning Framework and Forever Framework™, Chanelle guides couples beyond wedding-day logistics to focus on what matters most: the relationship they are building together.
In addition to officiating weddings and elopements throughout Washington State and beyond, Chanelle is the host of the Now You May Kiss™ Podcast, where she shares expert insights, heartfelt conversations, and practical guidance for engaged and married couples alike. She is also the founder of Weddings in the Okanogan, a collaborative initiative dedicated to showcasing the beauty, romance, and exceptional wedding experiences available throughout North Central Washington.
When she’s not helping couples craft unforgettable ceremonies, you’ll find her championing meaningful celebrations, encouraging intentional marriages, and reminding couples that their wedding day is just the beginning of a beautiful lifelong journey together.
To learn more about Chanelle’s services or schedule a complimentary connection call, visit chanellecarlin.com
