Category: Non-traditional wedding ideas

Debunking Wedding Ceremony Myths with Officiant, Author, and Speaker Chris Shelley

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New Episode Alert: Wedding Ceremony Myths Busted with Chris Shelley

Planning a wedding is often a beautiful journey filled with excitement, joy, and love—but let’s be honest, it can also come with a lot of pressure to do things a certain way. If you’ve ever felt boxed in by outdated traditions or wedding day “rules,” you’re not alone. Read below to see how my guest, Chris Shelley, and I do some serious debunking of Wedding Ceremony Myths.

This week on the Now You May Kiss™ Podcast, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with the hilarious, wise, and deeply heartfelt Chris Shelley—a professional wedding officiant, Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant, speaker, and the author of Best. Ceremony. Ever. Chris is known for creating refreshingly honest, personal, and often laugh-out-loud ceremonies for couples who want their wedding day to feel just right for them.

A Conversation Full of Laughter, Love, and Real Talk

Chris and I got real about some of the most common wedding ceremony myths that couples still feel obligated to follow—even at modern, non-traditional weddings! And let me tell you, this was no dry checklist conversation. It was funny, sometimes a little irreverent, and always packed with love and wisdom.

Whether you’re planning a black-tie celebration or a cozy destination elopement, this episode will inspire you to rethink what’s “traditional” and step fully into what’s true for you.

7 Wedding Ceremony Myths We Officially Debunked

Here are just a few wedding ceremony myths Chris and I joyfully busted during our conversation:

“You can’t see each other before the ceremony.”
Yes, you can—and for some couples, a first look or private moment before the ceremony brings calm, connection, and a sense of sacred intimacy.

“Weddings always start late.”
Not if you don’t want them to! With a well-planned timeline and an experienced officiant and planner, your ceremony can begin exactly when it’s meant to.

“The officiant must stand between you during your vows.”
Not true! Chris and I both agree—stepping aside during your vows creates a more powerful, connected moment for you and your guests.

“You have to sign your marriage license after the ceremony.”
Actually, you can sign before, DURING or after—it all depends on what feels best for your flow of the day. Spoiler alert, signing before or during your ceremony allows you just to get to the celebrating all the more quickly afterward.

“Outdoor weddings must go on outdoors—no matter the weather.”
You and your guests deserve to be comfortable and safe. A stunning backup plan isn’t a failure—it’s good design.

“You need a large wedding party.”
You don’t need 14 people in matching outfits to feel supported. A meaningful ceremony can be intimate, relaxed, and still elegant.

“Personal vows should be kept private.”
We say: if you want to share your heart in front of your loved ones, do it. That’s where the magic lives.

Why This Matters for Your Wedding Ceremony

If you’re a couple who values intentionality, authenticity, and unforgettable moments, then these myth-busting truths will help you confidently shape a ceremony that reflects your real love story—not someone else’s expectations.

Regardless of budget, your ceremony deserves to be a celebration of your hearts, your values, and your journey—crafted with care, creativity, and maybe even a little comedy.

Meet Chris Shelley

Chris Shelley has been crafting beautiful, deeply personal, and yes—sometimes laugh-out-loud funny—wedding ceremonies since 2011. He’s the author of Best. Ceremony. Ever. (W.W. Norton), speaks regularly at Wedding MBA and other top-tier industry events, and is the owner of Illuminating Ceremonies in New York.

📍 Visit Chris’ Website
📸 Follow Chris on Instagram

Your Ceremony, Your Way

If this conversation lit a fire in your heart and you’re dreaming of a wedding ceremony that’s elegant, intentional, and uniquely yours, I would love to help bring your vision to life.

Whether you’re eloping in the mountains of Washington or the Oregon coast, exchanging vows at a private estate in Coeur d’Alene, or planning an unforgettable destination celebration, your ceremony should be as extraordinary as your love.

Click here to connect with me and learn more about working together

Let’s create a moment you’ll remember forever—for all the right reasons.

About Chanelle

Chanelle Carlin feeling gratitude in front of lilac bush, holding sunglasses. Logo in top left corner.
Photo credit: Roxanne Best, Roxtography

Chanelle Carlin not only hosts the Now You May KissTM Podcast, she is, first and foremost, a Professional Wedding Officiant, Your Celebrant for LifeTM, and the owner of Chanelle Carlin Weddings, LLC. With a passion for crafting deeply personal ceremonies, Chanelle helps couples create authentic, meaningful celebrations of love. Whether through intimate elopements, personalized coaching, or VIP retreats, she is dedicated to guiding couples through every step of their journey. Based in the Pacific Northwest, Chanelle draws inspiration from the natural beauty around her and her heartfelt connections with the couples she serves. If this sounds like the type of elopement or intimate wedding for you, reach out to Chanelle today to start the conversation.

5 Easy Tips to Remember your Wedding Anniversary

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Signing the Marriage Certificate during wedding ceremony helps couples remember their wedding anniversary.
Couple and Chanelle signing their marriage certificate during their ceremony at beautiful Seattle venue,
Parties on the Terrace. Photo credit: Greenhouse Photo Company

Survey says forgetting anniversaries is common, but not OK.

I came across an article this morning that says “82% of people (mostly men) have forgotten their anniversary at some point in a relationship and that 68% of people said they’d end a relationship if their partner forgot their anniversary or a special relationship milestone.” It’s an interesting article and shares some useful findings. Here is the link if you want to check it out. You know I like to focus on positives though. So, for our purposes, I thought it might be helpful to look at a few easy tips to remember your wedding anniversary and other relationship milestones.

Two Tips to help you remember your wedding anniversary

Let’s start with just a couple of easy tips to remember your wedding anniversary. Here are two options you might consider:

1) Choose a wedding date that is easy to remember.

Dates that don’t change or that are somehow sequential can help you more easily remember your anniversary. Examples of dates that don’t change are:
A holiday that doesn’t change – Halloween, Veteran’s Day, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Flag Day, Juneteenth, Independence Day, Labor Day, etc;
Solstice/Equinox dates – you’re looking at one of four (3/21, 6/21, 9/21 or 12/21);
Dates with the same month number – 1/1, 2/2, 3/3, 4/4, 5/5, 6/6, 7/7, 8/8, 9/9, 10/10, 11/11, 12/12 (some of these are holidays and one of these is my wedding anniversary);
Sequential month/date numbers – 1/2, 2/3, 3/4, 4/5, 5/6 (you get the idea);
Double dates – 1/2, 2/4, 3/6, 4/8, 5/10, 6/12, 7/14, 8/16, 9/18, 10/20, 11/22, 12/24;
Palindrome dates (April, 2024) – 4/20/24, 4/21/24, 4/22/24, 4/23/24, 4/25/24, 4/26/24, 4/27/24, 4/28/24 and 4/29/24. According to the Farmers Almanac, between 2025 and 2029, each year will have 11 palindrome dates, with 10 being consecutive. These will occur in April in 2024, May in 2025, June in 2026, July in 2027, August in 2028, and September in 2029.

getting married on a palindrome date makes it easy to remember anniversaries
One of Chanelle’s couples celebrating their palindrome wedding
at the historic Okanogan County Courthouse in Okanogan,
Washington on 12/02/2021. Photo credit: Roxanne Best

2) Celebrate monthaversaries.

This is my personal favorite and I always encourage my couples to do this. We have friends who have been married for nearly 40 years and still celebrate their monthaversaries! Ok, so when is it and how do you celebrate a monthaversary?

Your monthaversary occurs each month on the date that matches the date of your wedding. If you were married on December 12th, your monthaversary is on the 12th of every month. To celebrate your monthaversary, might be something as simple and meaningful like leaving a handwritten note for your loved one, perhaps leaving a card in their lunch, or cooking a special homemade dinner or dessert together. This does two things: it keeps the romance and magic alive throughout the year AND if you’re celebrating every month on the same date (your monthaversary), you’re more likely to remember your anniversary. (And…just as a quick aside, if I’m your wedding officiant, I won’t let you forget. As your Celebrant for LifeTM , I send reminders.)

Three additional tips to help you remember your wedding anniversary and other relationship milestones

Here are three other helpful tips that Maria Sullivan, Vice-president of Dating.com, offers for remembering anniversaries and birthdays:

3. Set Calendar Reminders to help you remember your anniversaries and birthdays.

“Put anniversary and birthday reminders in your work calendar. Set additional alerts a month and a couple of weeks ahead of time as reminders to buy a card or small gift or to make a reservation. These reminders will help you not only remember the big day but also be prepared for it. If your partner means well and would like to plan something, but is likely to forget the date, you can put reminders in their phone and computer as well, and let technology do the work for you.”

4. Start planning early.

“If you leave things to the last minute, it can be noticeable to your partner, and stressful to you. If you want to avoid disappointing your partner, plan at least a month to a few weeks in advance for a stress-free day.”

5. Incorporate traditions into your anniversary celebrations.

“Incorporate traditions into your anniversary celebrations. If you’re having trouble coming up with something creative, make a plan to do something you remember you both like. For example, go to your favorite bar or restaurant – someplace familiar that you know you’ll both look forward to revisiting.”

OR…

Another, completely different option is to agree together to not celebrate anniversaries at all. If one or both of you have difficulty remembering dates, and a lot of folks do, you can skip trying to remember to celebrate on a specific date and just celebrate your relationship whenever you want to. How fun is that idea? Just make any old day a celebration of your marriage!

Whatever you decide to do, remember to talk about it and decide together. If I can support you in any way, please let me know.

As your Wedding Officiant and Celebrant for Life, Chanelle Carlin provides helpful tips to remember your wedding anniversary
Photo credit: Roxanne Best, Roxtography

About Chanelle

Chanelle Carlin is Your Celebrant for LifeTM. She is an ordained minister, professional wedding officiant, coach, owner of Chanelle Carlin Weddings, LLC and host of the Now You May Kiss Podcast with Chanelle Carlin. Chanelle believes that life and love should be celebrated every minute. She collaborates with couples who’ve already started building the foundations of their relationship over the years and are now ready to venture forth into marriage with a custom, memorable (for all the right reasons) elopement/intimate wedding ceremony. As your Celebrant for Life TM, Chanelle also celebrates all the special milestones and moments that matter in each of her couples’ lives. She lives with her family in rural Okanogan County, Washington, USA, and totally LOVES her life. You can visit Chanelle at www.chanellecarlin.com, on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest.

I’m a trend-setter! Who knew?

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Chanelle’s take on the non-traditional “non-wedding wedding” trends for 2024

A “non-wedding wedding” photo at the Upper Lake at Conconully, Washington. The gorgeous Bride is wearing her favorite color, purple; groom is wearing shorts, a short-sleeve shirt AND tie and they travelled from rural Iowa (where they left all the family) to rural Washington state to get married. Photo credit: Roxanne Best, Roxtography

The article that inspired an article that inspired this post

I just received an email this morning from one of my wedding colleagues at Maroo.us about Vogue’s December article claiming that “non-wedding” weddings (non-traditional weddings) are on the rise for 2024 and thought I would share my thoughts about the subject with you too, but rather than copy their article, I’ve attached the link to the Maroo article, Are “non-wedding” weddings on the rise? Here is a roundup of the ins and outs of 2024, written by Prianka Dhir, in case you’d like to read it for yourself.

Photo credit: Emilee Setting

Who knew officiating non-traditional ceremonies YEARS would make me trendy in 2024?

What struck me as really noteworthy about these articles is that I’ve been doing ‘non-wedding’ weddings here in the Pacific Northwest with my couples for YEARS without even realizing I was setting a new trend! (Yes, I’ve been celebrating marriages for a while now.) I invite you to check out my blog post, What Does a Wedding Officiant Do & Tips from an Officiant For Your Wedding Day. So, what is a “non-wedding wedding”? According to the article referenced above, a “non-wedding wedding” is essentially a non-traditional wedding. They are casual, less formal and characterized by intimate ceremonies, family-style food menus, and in the moment, real-time photography. Couples are realizing that this most important day in their lives (up until this point) can be whatever they want it to be so it looks and feels authentic and reflects their personalities, and they’re often hiring wedding stylists, designers and other professionals to help bring their vision to life. The photo above is from a breezy July intimate family wedding up at Tipsoo Lake at Mount Rainier. Their wedding planner, Katy Warner from Seattle Stunning Events was super organized, found the exact spot on the lake to have the best view of the mountain AND had a rug for us to stand on to create our sacred space for their beautiful, personal and unique ceremony (photo above). Back at the air B&B where they all gathered for their family meal and post ceremony celebrations, once again, Katy had everything organized and beautiful (though also simple and elegant), so Nathan and Lauren just got to relax and enjoy their moments (photo below). Afterwards, our couple headed up the mountain with their flowers, backpacks and sparkling wine for a toast and their photographer to capture some truly breathtaking, intimate and authentically Nate and Lauren moments (second photo below).

wood table set with dishes and flowers in a wooded setting, staged by Seattle Stunning Events and photographed by Emilee Setting Photography
Staged by Seattle Stunning Events and Photo credit: Emilee Setting Photography
Man in black suit, woman in white wedding gown sitting on the ground with snowcapped mountain in background.
Photo credit: Emilee Setting Photography

“Chanelle is truly a gem – Personable, funny, intelligent, and such a pro at tailoring a memorable ceremony...Our other wedding vendors and our family even commented that Chanelle felt like family, and we could not agree more. It was evident that there was so much careful thought and intention behind each interaction with her.” – L & N (Summer intimate family wedding at Tipsoo Lake in shadow of Mount Rainier)

Some “non-wedding wedding” ideas, Pacific Northwest style

I never realized how much we were ‘bucking the trends’ (or setting them as in the case of this article) with non traditional weddings and elopements and our sustainable practices. For instance, picture sharing your most personal vows with your loved one in the presence of your closest family and friends on a hiking trail on Whidbey Island, or the Hoh Rainforest in Olympic National Park, on a farm in Leavenworth, or maybe you prefer the beach at sunset, or overlooking the Pacific Ocean on San Juan Island or at sunrise on Mount Rainier at Sunrise (can’t get less traditional or “non-wedding-y” than that). For those wanting a ceremony with their closest family and friends and a low key-no worries intimate reception afterwards, wineries offer a great option with beautiful scenery and relaxed, family style meal settings under the stars. Check out my blog post here for some options in Lake Chelan, or as in the case of Lauren and Nathan, you could rent an air B&B and have your wedding planner bring your vision to fruition in the forest. As for sustainable – in the the Pacific Northwest, we’re all about sustainability (recycling, animal welfare, clean water, land conservation and farm to table dining). Not only that, but as individuals we’re also very community minded. I’ve been volunteering in my communities (wherever I have lived) since I was seven years old and my business has been donating a portion of my fees for every wedding to one of six non-profit organizations since 2020. When you book me as your officiant for your custom wedding, you get to choose which of the six organizations, you’d like the donation from your wedding to go. Want another sustainability idea? Did you know that you can donate your wedding flowers to retirement and memory care centers so they can live on and bring joy to others after your wedding? Yep and in North Central Washington, Lilies of the Valley in East Wenatchee, Washington can help you with that.

Soapbox: The reason for the wedding is the WEDDING part – otherwise, it’s just a fancy party.

There is a part of this article which frustrates me a tiny bit (pardon me as I step up on my ‘soapbox’). It is just that most of the trends listed (awesome as they are) focus mostly on the reception and party. The ceremony (you know, the part where you actually share your non-traditional vows with each other –ask me about this– and join together in marriage…) feels like an aside. Why does it frustrate me, you ask? Well, as your Officiant, I am passionate about helping you start your marriage off with a custom, all-about-the-two-of-you, wedding ceremony, which is beautiful, authentic and memorable for all the right reasons. You’re getting married after all. These trends seem to focus less on the getting married part of a wedding, and more on the party part and yet that’s why you’re having the party (or “non-wedding” wedding) – to celebrate your marriage. – (OK – I’m getting off the ‘soapbox’ now)

Chanelle truly helped to make our whole wedding feel like the most special day in the world...she tailored our wedding to completely fit around us, our belief’s, and our family. “ – L & S (Winter air B&B elopement in Leavenworth with only their children as their witnesses).”

You don’t have to do it by yourself.

I remind all of my couples that your wedding is one of the most important days of your life. There is a lot that goes into planning a wedding ceremony (a “non-wedding” wedding or not) and most couples have never done it before so it can feel a bit overwhelming. There are many, many resources available to help alleviate stress, including amazingly talented and committed wedding professionals. The most important thing to remember is that the two of you have decided that you want to be together and whether you choose to commemorate that with a large family wedding at a larger venue, an intimate family wedding at your favorite winery or elope to your favorite hiking trail with your witnesses and officiant, it’s YOUR special day and you want it to be meaningful to the two of you, not stressful. If you want to start with an easy conversation about your ceremony, please feel free to reach out. I am here to answer questions and help you have the most beautiful ceremony – whatever that looks like for the two of you. This is a magical time, and I’m absolutely delighted for you. Best wishes for a lifetime of love. – Chanelle, Your Pacific Northwest Elopement and Intimate Wedding Officiant and Celebrant for LifeTM.

Let’s Chat!
Photo credit: Roxanne Best, Roxtography

About Chanelle


Chanelle Carlin is Your Celebrant for Life. She is an ordained minister, professional wedding officiant, coach, and owner of Chanelle Carlin Weddings, LLC (and now ‘trend-setter’). Believing that life and love should be celebrated every minute, she collaborates with couples who’ve already started building the foundations of their relationship over the years and are now ready to venture forth into marriage with a custom, memorable (for all the right reasons) elopement/intimate wedding ceremony. While Chanelle works throughout the Pacific Northwest primarily, she gladly travels to wherever her couples prefer to marry. As their Celebrant for Life TM, Chanelle also celebrates all the special milestones and moments that matter in each of her couples’ lives. She lives with her family in rural Okanogan County, Washington, USA, and totally LOVES her life. You can visit Chanelle at www.chanellecarlin.com, on Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest.