A Complimentary Guide from Chanelle Carlin Weddings

Your wedding lasts a day. Your marriage lasts a lifetime.

Before you choose flowers, finalize the seating chart, or practice your first dance, I encourage you to pause for a moment (or two). The strongest marriages aren’t built on perfect weddings; they are built with intention and honest, heartfelt conversations.

As your Celebrant for Life™, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside hundreds of couples as they prepare for one of the most meaningful days of their lives. Over the past several years, I’ve learned that the couples who thrive aren’t necessarily the ones who have the biggest or most perfect celebrations. They’re the ones who begin their marriage with curiosity, honesty, grace, and a shared vision for the life they’re creating together.

Pour yourselves a cup of coffee, tea or whatever you prefer to sip together, silence your phones, and take some time to explore these five questions together. Below each main question, you’ll find additional, more probing questions/discussion points to consider. There are no right or wrong answers. This is an opportunity to know one another more deeply and an invitation to begin building your marriage with intention.

Question One:

What kind of marriage do we want to create?

Notice this question isn’t, ‘What kind of wedding do we want?’ The priority isn’t the event, no matter how meaningful, simple or perfect you’re dreaming it to be. The priority for every couple I have ever spoken to is creating that marriage that lasts a lifetime. Often, however, they’re not sure how to do that, so they focus on creating a beautiful one-day or one-weekend celebration of their love.

When you think of the kind of marriage you want to create, imagine yourselves celebrating your 25th or even your 50th anniversary. What do you hope people say about your relationship? How do you want your home to feel for yourselves, your children/grandchildren and your friends? What types of traditions do you hope to create together? What values do you want your marriage to reflect?

Here are some additional questions to really nail down the type of marriage you’re hoping to build.

• What does a successful marriage look like to each of us? Why?

• Which couples do we admire, and why? Are there family members or friends of your parents that have successful marriages that always impressed you?

• What legacy do we hope our marriage leaves for our family and community?

Question Two:

How do we each feel most loved?

Love is rarely expressed in exactly the same way it’s received. Understanding one another’s emotional needs creates space for deeper connection and ultimately, fewer misunderstandings.

Rather than assuming, be curious. Ask each other:

• When do you feel most appreciated? I want to make sure you feel appreciated and loved every day.

• What small acts make you feel loved? Grand gestures?

• During stressful times, what kind of support means the most to you?

• How can I help you feel emotionally safe with me?

Question Three:

How will we navigate life’s difficult seasons together?

Every marriage experiences challenges. Sometimes those challenges maybe conflict between the two of you, with your children, with other family members, or there may also be financial difficulties or health issues. The healthiest couples aren’t the ones who avoid hardship (it’s not possible); the healthiest couples are those who learn to face conflict and hardship as partners. Instead of asking, Will we experience hardship? ask, How will we respond when we do?

Some helpful questions to get started could be:

• Are there specific things your family did well to handle conflict growing up?

• What helps you feel heard during difficult conversations? Should we come up with a special code word, so we know when those conversations are needed?

• How can we repair our relationship and heal hurts after we’ve had misunderstandings?

• What promises can we make today about how we’ll care for one another during life’s hardest seasons? Are their practical steps we can take as well as those that are emotionally supportive?

Question Four:

Who are we becoming together?

Marriage isn’t simply about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right partner again and again throughout your life together. You’ll grow; your dreams will evolve; and your circumstances will change. These things you already know. The question is whether you’ll continue growing together.

As you explore this topic, take some time to talk through the following questions:

• What dreams do you have for the next five, ten, or twenty years? Are these personal dreams or dreams for our marriage? Yes, it’s ok to have both.

• How can we encourage each other and support one another’s personal growth?

• What adventures are you hoping we can experience together? Shall we plan to travel? Have children?

• Who are the people do we want to become?

Question Five:

What promises matter most to us?

Your vows are more than beautiful words. They’re promises that the foundation of your marriage rest on. What promises matter most to you as you stand across from one another on your wedding day and beyond? 

Rather than thinking about “vows”, I invite you to think about them as promises and values and ask each other:

• What promise(s) do you hope I always keep? Is there a promise or commitment that is most meaningful to you to keep?

• Which values should guide our marriage every day?

• How can our ceremony reflect who we truly are and the marriage we are building?

One Final Thought

As you take time to talk through these five questions together, please allow yourselves time and grace. The goal here isn’t to have perfect answers. It is to begin meaningful conversations that will continue long after your wedding day. 

Marriage isn’t built in a single ceremony. It is built through thousands of everyday moments.

Ready to Create a Ceremony as Meaningful as Your Love Story?

If you’re looking for a wedding officiant who will help you create a deeply personal, heartfelt ceremony that reflects the marriage you’re building for tomorrow, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

As an experienced wedding officiant and your Celebrant for Life, I believe your wedding ceremony is just the beautiful start to your marriage. I invite you to learn more about my custom ceremonies and the Celebrant for Life™ experience here.

Remember, your wedding is a moment; your marriage lasts a lifetime.

About the Author

Chanelle Carlin is Your Celebrant for Life™, a professional Wedding Officiant and the founder of Chanelle Carlin Weddings. She believes a wedding ceremony is more than a beautiful moment; it’s the beginning of a lifelong marriage.

Through her signature EPIC Ceremony Planning Framework™, Chanelle creates deeply personal ceremonies that honor each couple’s unique love story and establish a meaningful foundation for the life they will build together. As Your Celebrant for Life™, she remains by your side beyond the wedding day, celebrating milestones, honoring anniversaries, and encouraging a marriage that grows stronger with each passing year.

Chanelle is also the host of the Now You May Kiss™ Podcast, where she shares wedding inspiration, relationship wisdom, and practical guidance to help couples build marriages that are as meaningful as their wedding day.

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